I miss being around ponies?

i had a 2nd pony called tiggs but i was used to a little 11.2 mare now tigs 13.2 gelding had problems with dolly and when he first moved over he took lots of interest in dolly and wouldent let anyone or thing withing 5 feet of her and gradulally he let go a bit but i couldent bond with him dolly wouldent hurt a fly and tiggs pulled me anyway he wanted he backed up and i was scared of him so (were on a livery just to let u no!) and the vet came over for a routine check and we told him about tiggs' behaviour so the vet took a swab and results came back saying he was a bit of a rig which means he was either netured too late or not done properly and it was advised to me because im only a shrimp it would be a bit dangerouse for me to ride him so my dads girlfrend had to find a new loan home but since hes gone its like my dads girlfriend thinks i hate horseridding because i didnt take to tiggs now i crave horses i miss them sooo much i used to just go down the yard and just be there i miss it soo much that i spend around 4 hours on the internet planning out if i had a pony buying its wardrobe i just miss them soo much is there any help that i can be back with some horses learning wit them caring for them or like a riding school that could be for me??? ps if you know of a school plz tell oh also aim for a school in essex thanks